I’m Convinced A Lot of People Don’t Know How To Be in Relationships
I don’t know about anyone else but year 35 has been something else!
A lot of people do not think that 35 is old but think about all of the men and women who have had families since their teens or twenties; think about those of us who actually decided not to have children in efforts to pursue other ambitions and have about a five to eight year window left to have kids; think about the select few who pursue higher levels of education; think about those who prefer to climb the corporate ladder; Think about how complex life is!
To be honest all of those scenarios take A LOT of responsibility, and yet since my move to the Carolinas in 2016 I am finding that people are expecting to be given more responsibility or in general for just having children or a family. Quite frankly it’s been really tacky.
“…four years later — it’s a hard NO.”
Growing up the ideal model for being an adult was to get married, become established then have kids. For some reason, children have become a stepping stone for getting ahead and obtaining responsibility for many who are quite irresponsible. If I were to rewrite one of my original post that praised the Carolinas and cited every experience available I would still stand on the city as being a place for families and those already established but for the single and still looking, four years later — it’s a hard NO.
Over the past four years, I have experienced just about every trivial or complex scenario that I want to experience and I am not seeking any type of relationship until I am set free from current dilemmas and allowed to be myself, with all my beauty, brains and education intact. I know that life can happen to anyone at any given time so please do not take my statement to heart. Live happening is a prime example and the reason I am where I am now!
I feel like I have had to reduce myself to be less than others who have children in a culture that breed contempt against people who may have already been established and wanted to try something new or may not fit their norm. I just haven’t quite understood what most people consider a relationship. Popular culture tells us that we have to look a certain way, dress a certain way and behave a certain way or you are not suitable for companionship or friends.
Truthfully, I do not want anyone who’s sole purpose is to control me especially someone that I just met, no matter if we are sexual or spend time together (any amount). I do not want someone who is “familiar” with me, for some reason a few of my former high school classmates feel they are perfect candidates (I have not even understood this). I do not want someone who had multiple children, especially with the same person and the kids are relatively still young. Most importantly, I do not want someone who will not communicate, will throw a tantrum as soon as they do not get their way or cheat (more-so be loose) then get made when caught in a lie.
“…I am not a block you and we continue to communicate type. I am a “Please do not contact me any further” then block you and move on type.”
I am at that pivotal place in my life where I have had to become quite clever and some of my responses might shock you in scenarios where I may have engaged with poor behavior in the past. If you tell me “You make me sick” I may say — “Good then you’ll get the help you need” or file the paperwork that I need. Most cases I do not respond very much. I have realized that I am not equipped for the drama and learned that I am not a block you and continue to communicate type. I am a “Please do not contact me any further” then block you and move on type. I will never stalk anyone, past or potential nor do I care who you are with.
I have had to question whether someone had stalked me or done things similar to “lying in wake” or find a new lover who looks like me but as soon I see a pattern as such I am concerned. If you put my name in a movie, song or open discussion I am concerned. If you try to openly befriend my former friends or family members I am also concerned but I will only request that you stop once. Anything after that is your own dilemma.
It has been so confusing not to mention disturbing when I learn of people who I have moved on from doing weird stuff. People have even done extreme things as wanting your personal property because you are not interested or in most cases, no longer interested (platonic type relationships).
*I will admit that I have done some sketchy things but in part due to things that had been done to me. The most extreme from a guy who had the sketchy secrets for his profession and treated me close to the Sex and the City scene where Carrie Bradshaw was broken up with-with a post it.
I am convinced that some people just do not know how to be in a relationship and I will continue to look for what makes me comfortable but I will not accept what most people deem as the norm when quite frankly it is toxic.
No I will not be changing my mind because you do not like what I have to say. No I will not be giving anyone a second chance and no, this post isn’t about anyone specific. To be honest, this post was prompted by the 20/20 special set to air this evening about being stalked by former lovers…
I would normally live tweet but am currently on a hiatus from Twitter and IG for some of those exact concerns. I’m joking, I just needed a break!
